Unbreakable II

First of all, let me speak different. I'm seriously trying my best.

Women are, well, simply and obviously different from men. They see in different perspective, different angle and different belief. They work for different reasons, they sing different lyrics and act different. Though they are different from men, women can be extremely different from each other. Well, most especially at times they have to decide, and say goodbye. Creusa and Andromache. Two wives who had to say goodbye to their husbands who were to go to war, and had no choice but to beg. Ah, of course women are mothers, too. In both cases, there must be more than just being a widow. Of course, they were both afraid of being one, standing alone, working alone, all for the sake of their sons. Yes, a son. Aside from being a widow, they must be, or were really, afraid that their sons would lose their fathers. Seeing your child weep out and cry hard because he is extremely hurt and having a hard time, will be the most painful scene a mother will see, ever.

To share the pain might be a very good idea. Or, perhaps, not. Being a girl, I live the usual way, I mean, just the simple way of living. I smile, I celebrate, I cry, I get betrayed, I get unappreciated, I fight, I ignore, I forget, I forgive. I know everyone else does. Does it mean everyone lives the usual way? I ask myself such questions. I finally understood that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. The scene of the two women begging for their husbands to stay broke my heart, not just because it's a tragic scene, but because I know that someday, I may come to the point where I have to choose as well. I was afraid. And now, even more afraid, seriously to grow up. Hahahaha. I was moved by how they "begged". So instead of saying I felt sympathy for them, I better say I feel sympathy for myself. Reasonably, because I exist and they don't. I have to be stronger, and be matured enough just to welcome such trials and decisions to make with a smile.

Yes, I felt sympathy for the two, I really did. But as I became a bit selfish and focused about my same view, I learned to set my mind for the better, to be stronger and to accept challenges. I'm pretty sure if you reject problems you can't escape at all.

Unbreakable

Growing up. Just a usual phrase, exciting but actually tragic. But no matter how life can be so hateful after such change, no one can actually escape it. No choice but to go on, since there's no point of going back. Aeneas lost most of his family and friends on his journey. He had to be fearless when it's his only choice to survive. Realizing things little by little, I realized that if not for the negative, we won't see the positive. Well, it's usual, that phrase. But actually, if we see the negative, we tend to see more of it because we hate the feeling. When we hate it, we start to care. Like when you're happy, you don't care at all, because you're enjoying it. Smile. As I was saying, victory isn't all about the prize, but about the will and the goal. It might sound silly hearing it from me, but Aeneas who has became so fearless and hopeful in such hopeless situation, had been much stronger than ever. Yes, it's tragic since he lost almost everything. He sobbed, wept out, cried hard and cursed, like you usually do when something very hard happens to you. Getting angry makes you stronger, and that's an advantage. But life, is usually too dangerous and scary, we'll never know what awaits us. Aeneas had a very long, meaningful journey. He experienced a lot and learned a lot. He had a very hard time. He had his most cruel moment of life. He learned to fight for his life. He learned to overcome his fears. Congratulations to all the Aeneas-like people out there. Everyone has gone too far. We're growing up every second and that's really tragic. Hahaha.

Never Grow Up

"He must have had a very hard time." Crazy as it is, I really thought about it. What if Aeneas did exist? I would feel such pity for him. Maybe, thrice the pity I feel for him as a fictional character. Yes, fictional but do you even wonder, if he really existed before, or is he still alive, his soul on someone else's body? Hah. Creepy. All I really mean is, do you even wonder if we are Aeneas, too? Well then, I must pity myself. But Aeneas is not me. If it's Aeneas, I pity him. If it's me, I hate myself and curse life. Everyone knows what fate is. The word fate is notorious, for ruining people's lives. Hahaha! A momentum wrecker, I guess? I don't wanna speak about myself so I'm speaking about Aeneas. His life was like 'usual' but simple. But then, it came the time that he had to choose between his family, his life, his future or his country. Vintage and epic, I agree. He was living his life in the best way. He was happy and fearless. Like a little kid, who only cares about his toys and his playtime, but still curious about other things which he should not get involved to. I'm not saying Aeneas got curious about dying or fighting. Hahaha. But he got new things to get involved, too. He  had grown up, unfortunately. So instead of saying I pity Aeneas, I think it's better if I say "I see life as a tragic journey. It's unfair because it's not constant. I pity myself for knowing it only now. If I knew it earlier, I'd do my best not to grow up. I wish I'd never grown up."

Sorry Sorry

As a student, I admit I do things that are not righteous or reasonable. Even though people me a scholar, I still violate school rules. I'm being honest now. So whatever I put here, I'm being sincere and honest.

From the lowest.
Messiness: I'm not really organized with my things. People that will be involved are my classmates and teachers who'll be disgusted and annoyed with my messy area. The aftermath is that I will be scolded by my teachers.
Carelessness: The reason why I get Math answers or even Chemistry answers or whatever subject it is, is that I'm so careless. And the only one who'll be involved is me myself. Because I'm the one who'll get a low score on quizzes or exams.
Discontentment: I always get jealous with my classmates's scores. Well, I have the reason to get jealous. But instead of improving it for the better, I see competition on my classmates. I'm trying hard not to, honestly. The aftermath of this is that I'll have low self-esteem. And I'll always be jealousy. I'm not really the type who takes things positively, I kinda go with the flow.
Dishonesty: I copy answers from my classmates. It'll hurt me if it's called cheating, but it really is. The people involved here are my classmates, teachers, and the guidance office. The aftermath of this is I'll be scolded by my teachers and I'll be notorious in the whole campus.
SLOTH: I submit projects late, and honestly do HOMEworks in school. But only some. The people involved in here are my teachers, especially my adviser. The aftermath of this is I'll get very low grades, and I'll be notorious for being such a lazy girl.

Honestly, it is supposed to be 7 violations. I even consulted my friend's blog. But I honestly only do these. Though they're only 5 doesn't mean I'm nice. They're still violations. Mistakes. Sins. And I realized that I'm so rude, doing these things, behind or infront of my friends and teachers.

Speech

Lex : Gem, when is your defense?

Gem: I don't know. Because Joyce and Mary... They said we can defend this week but Ma'am said that she will be busy especially on Friday.

Camille: Yes Lex, She said, “You can defend your research during this lunch time”. But it so happened that she was really busy in preparing for the camp.

Lex: Oh, you better get ready for that.

Camille: Lex, how about you when is your defense?

Lex: It will be on January Ma’am April said.

Gem: Oh, how I wish to be like you.

Camille: I think it will be better to defend this December

Gem: Yah! If we will defend now there will be no more worries for this upcoming vacation.

Lex: Are you done with that Prezi presentation that you need for your defense?

Camille: Yes, but Ma’am said that it was not yet complete.

Gem: She said, “You still need to revise some parts and make it look attractive”. How about your visual aids?

Lex: Oh, I remembered I’m not yet done writing my research plan. I’ll just get my materials and finish it see you later guys.

Gem&Camille: Okay bye ~

Forever and a Day

"Can you imagine what would happen if we could have any dream? I wish this moment is ours to own it and that it will never leave."

       Another sunny day. It was lunch time and everyone's going outside the school. Few of my classmates were cramming their homework in Math, while me, I stared outside the windows and watched some students playing volleyball. in the field. "I could do the homework later," I thought. I got my little notebook under my chair and maybe I could write something very creepy or end-thinking-capacity-hey-it's-me thing. I flipped the pages, had a glance on every page I already filled with Korean letters then I saw some sorta imprinted letters in a different, weird style. It's like Gothic and vintage, saying "See me." Who the hell would write that on my notes? Funny, but it felt like the one in Chamber of Secrets, the notebook which Harry used. It answers back. Hah. I did the same way, answering with "Who are you? O.o" And waited for something to happened, closed my eyes for 5 seconds, closed the notebook for 20 seconds but nothing happened. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed. Then I whispered "Renovatio.. renovatio.. renovatio..." I don't know why I said those words, I heard theme somewhere, well, probably. And it WORKED. "Kim Yushin." I startled. Kim Yushin? He speaks in English? Seriously? He lived 2000 years ago or maybe older, in Han. (South Korea) I didn't sound afraid. I felt excitement. "Are you kidding me? General Kim speaks in English? Ha-ha." I think I'm used to this, I've read so much of Potter. "I am the young version, woman. If thee will allow then let me explain everything when you see me. Now, see me." Thee? Lol what. Younger version. Hah. This is a mess. If you all know, one reason why I love Korea is because of its history. Deokman Wangjanim. Seju Mishil and Kim Yushin. I love the three of them. ( I mean, I love them in dramas. But yea. That's it. I love them. Korea's bests.) "I hope you're joking." I wrote with a sly smile. "I wished you did not hope. Come on, we don't have much time. I only have one afternoon." The paper inscribed. "For what? Look, I can't help you with anything." Instead of letters, an image of a rectangular clock appeared. Like what professionals do, it was drawn there like it could last forever. It was 12:35 there in the clock, 11:35 in our room's. "For only until the hour of the dog we could meet, you'll be sage, a promise I'll keep. Tell me the words that caused my salvation, I'll bring you to the place where my name, like stars, has shone."

     "Renovatio.. renovatio... renovatio.."

      Like bubble popping, I appeared out of nowhere in a place named Yours. Kidding. I panicked a little but I managed to calm down myself and searched around the area. So where's that Yushin and where am I? Disappearing without an excuse letter or a word scared me because I'm already forbidden to skip classes.  I didn't even care if this place was dangerous or what. A piece of me wanted to go back, and yet a piece wanted to say. I found no one. Even that Yushin. I started to feel afraid, alone in this place. I walked around and finally  I saw in a clearer and nearer view the old Korean houses, had the chance to touch it and get inside. It was almost empty, there were just like uh, cabinets and clothing. There were mini-sculptures and culprits of their forefathers. Everything, actually, was written in Traditional Chinese. I went outside one of the houses in that area and searched again. "You're here." I heard someone behind. "Annyeong ha-se-yo." He said with a smile, while sounding like spelling out the syllables. So, this is.. Kim Yushin? Fair complexion, pointed nose and sorta narrow eyes. He looked like 16 years old. He was like a feet taller than me. (He's small.) He wore a navy blue, uh, ninja-like dress and probably the uniform for all junior Hwarangs (soldiers for the kingdom) "A-annyeong hashimnikka.." I bowed. Shame on me. He's really REAL. "You do not need to speak formally and speak my language. I learned English by chance. And, I'm only 16." I was right. "So, how did you know me?  I mean, seriously? Look, what really is.. no.." I did not know what to say. I wished I never said anything. "I myself do not know. I can't be sorry, nor feel neutral. So, what do you think?" He asked. "No, nevermind. Why are there no people here?" I looked around and still, no living thing is seen. "Lost, hiding. Afraid. I don't know where are they but maybe I could still remember where my father and I stayed." "Remember? You mean, this thing.. that's happening here already happened when you were 16. I hope I get it right. But I hope I'm thinking it the wrong way." " Unfortunately and fortunately, you are correct." I sighed, took a deep breath and looked around. "Okay, so meaning.. in this place, whatever the name of this place is.. hunters and robbers are after you and your descendants. Many people are going to die. Are you here to change the past? Save them again? Then if yes, you better get prepared. I mean, they're all around the corner, but then, let me hide." I panicked. I knew it. He was trouble. "It's okay. Hush. They won't see us nor touch us. What I really want is for you to see with your own eyes how life comes and leaves, how it cries, how it smiles and how it fades. This is life."

        The robbers and hunters found the hideout of Yushin's descendants and I saw them die without hope, in a very violent way. I can't help but cry on that scene. I stared at him with tears, and a look like 'i-thought-you're-a-famous-general-how-can't-you-do-something-about-this' And we continued walking after the hunters has left. "So where are you taking me next? When you became a Gukseon at age 18? Will you increase my age by 2 years as well? What?" I asked him sarcastically. "Ah, so I guess you already know what triumph means. I won't show you that. I looked nasty when  I was named the Gukseon. I can't believe it." "What? Triumph? I can't believe you." I rolled my still-teary-eyes. "Wanna see the queen?" He asked. "Who? You.. you don't mean..." "I mean it." He smiled.

        We walked for about 10 minutes, passed such hills and rivers and noticed that Yushin has aged a lot, he looked like a 35 year-old guy or up. While me, I looked like a baby potato. So, we were to see the Great Queen Seon Deok, the first female ruler in Korea whom has ruled Shilla with her amazing wit. Since no one could see us, we were able to pass and get inside the castle. It was huge and vintage style, it was kinda different from those I watched on TV. This looked a bit simple and older. We reached through the walls. General Kim said that it's easier and he was used to it. We were finally walking through the floor of the castle. I felt like I was floating,  I can't touch the ground. It was enchanting.  I couldn't believe it was happening. We were able to go inside the queen's room by chance and.. "She's the queen and the one talking to her is Lady Mishil." They were together. I couldn't understand anything from what they were talking about but I had General Kim to translate them for me.

Mishil: Do you think... of me as an evil person? 
Deokman: What? 
Mishil: At the moment, are the people in total dire traits? Or is, our Heavenly Kingdom in crisis? 
Deokman: But... The people live each and everyday with difficulties. 
Mishil: Of course, people live each and everyday exhausted and with difficulties. But the people were like 1000 years ago, they're like that now, and they will be the same 1000 years from now. The meaning of "The People" will always remain the same. 
Deokman: But, if the king would listen to his people, and rule with benevolence... wouldn't that give the people a better quality of life? 
Mishil: Once he starts to listen, then he will get an earful requests. Do this, do that...And if all the request are met, then do you think it will ever end? Nope, he will never see the end of it. However he may rule, he'll never be able to completely satisfy or fulfill a human beings tendency for greed. And yet... those who are clueless can easily utter words about Mishil being evil. 

     Another instance, it was Yushin himself who has talked to her. It was right after he was named the new general of Shilla's army.

Mishil: Yushin Rang, this Mishil is giving you, Yushin Rang, an advice... and that advice is not to make an enemy of this Mishil. I'm saying, will you become one of Mishil's people? 
Yushin: Seju, for a person like me who is lacking and foolish, and to hear your words, It's truly an honor. But I know of one only way in which you can have my services. 
Mishil: What is that? 
Yushin: Just kill me, then you can have my dead body. The only thing you can have of mine... is my dead body. I will not go to you while I'm alive. You've made also an effort to convince my father. And I've heard that you threatened the Princess in her youth. 
Mishil: You are being discourteous. What do you mean about "threatened"?! 
Yushin: Forgive me, but this Yushin is lacking and foolish. Thus, I'm not capable of knowing words besides "threatened". 
Mishil: Aren't you aware of what path you should be taking? 
Yushin: Once again, I am lacking and foolish and also stubborn. The path I choose will be the one of righteousness. If you're done talking, then i will take my leave. Please, do not threatened my father and the Princess ever again. I, too, am giving Seju an advice. And that advice is not to make an enemy of this Yushin. 
Mishil: Yushin Rang, although, a man's strength may appear great. But a man cannot survive on his won strength alone. One needs a little bit... of Heaven's will. 


   It felt creepy for me. I went outside the room and Yushin followed me. He has already returned to his 16-year old look. "Look, I'm getting hysterical. But thank you. I mean, thank you really. For opening my eyes, that this is life. Only our beliefs changed. But not how life take hold on us. I gotta go." 

The Smile which has Captured the World

   The smile of Mona Lisa can be seen in many views and perspectives. Simply by looking at the image indicates numerous meanings, some vague and descriptive. Needless to say, there is no wrong and right, as it based on a sole opinion. Opinions stay as opinions, which deems further arguments and debates rather useless. Grasping many ideals and opinions can open one's mind about this cryptic smile of the Mona Lisa's, which is often found to be captivating and has allured the attention of countless crowds. Though, specifically, we shall discuss about the Mona Lisa and what the smile really interprets.

To begin with, carefully analyzing the smile. These are my own two cents, basically my thoughts. Utmost, smiles tend to be conceiving. Nowadays, most people smile like it's nothing. Then again, one can be so naive and be completely unaware of the facade, the smile. Commonly used to push away others and their worries, constantly saying that they are okay and it is nothing. When in general, you might never know that person right next to you could actually be hurt, truly hurting deep down.

Secondly, this might indicate exceeding joy, which feels the woman's heart. An idea popped out of my mind, that maybe this woman's happiness or feelings is important to the world. Studied and analyzed numerous times. A curious guy would surely want to know how a girl feels. And Monalisa, who signifies true sense of beauty indicated one thing. She's a girl full of innocence and doubt. Or should I say lady.